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suppressThe human mind is a funny thing. It lets you repress things for an infinite amount of time, but eventually the event that you're trying to forget will come back and bite you in the ass.
I've successfully repressed nearly an entire year from my life but slowly, the memories are flowing back. The smallest things can set me off, and I'll remember the painful events I've been trying to forget for a year.
Today, it was a band-aid.
I was in my bathroom, looking for something in one of the drawers, when I spotted a little bandage, which brought back one of my worst memories.
It was the end of May, a few days before my middle school gradua
The Only Me You KnowYou look at my legs and see them slim and tanned and smooth.
I look at my legs and see the cuts and bruises. I see the places I've pinched and punched and scratched them. I see the scars that will never truly heal.
You look at my arms and see my pretty bracelets, the long slim fingers.
I look at my arms and see the reminders of the promises I made. I see the fingers that have drawn blood. I see the invisible scars that will always stay with me.
You look at my face and see laughter, a smile in bright blue eyes, kindness on soft lips.
I look at my face and see the forced smile. I see the pain and heaviness in eyes that are more grey than b
Overduei don't want to be human,
because then i wouldn't have
emotions for you to trample
and hopes for you to burn.
(i know you can't catch
smoke in a bottle,
but i tried anyways.)
i don't want to be human,
because then i wouldn't have
a body for you to strike
or a will for you to break.
(my fingers are all
bloodied from trying
to pick up the pieces.)
i don't want to be human,
because then i wouldn't have
for you to steal.
i hope you're just
your truth.i've memorized the map of the world on your skin, the crevices and caverns and shallow valleys, the porcelain cracks and blackening alleys and maybe i'm just scarred from the thousand times i've shattered, but i feel the need to tell you that you matter.
and i wish i could show you that you're so much more than light and darkness and spaces in between, all the times you've ached and all the pain you've seen.
and i wish i could show you that faith and love are what it means to be alive, but you just can't seem to open your eyes and now i'm praying someday you'll fall in time with someone who can change your mind.
onehundretythirtysevenYou drew wings on my shoulders and I tried to fly away
But the cannon ball chained to my leg only let me go so high.
We used to keep our secrets in boxes,
Written on paper folded over so many times they started to fall apart.
Between us there are twenty four pairs of ribs,
(though a few of mine are broken)
Sixty four organs,
And one hundred and thirty seven scars.
You'd count the notches in my collarbone,
And tell me I was beautiful when I cried,
Crumpling Crumbs of VoicesSandcastles rusting in the snow
Trailing footprints through orange ink
And paint fluttered in sheets from walls
Where bread grew from trees
A squandered ghost sat coughing
five people who mean a lota: thanks for teaching me how to laughsometimes it is nice to get lost in rolling laughter and hysterical giggles. around you i'm unconscious of worldly things as our jubilance brings me to greater heights and it becomes easier, and also desirable, to live in our moments.
c: your passion can ignite my sometimes dry-stick souland you know better than most that i'm not the kind that sits around the bonfire, but with you i'm reminded that there's more to life than the to-do list and i can relegate it to kindling as we roast marshmallows on its remains.
a: you've always had my back, my darling, and it can't be easy. i'm fairly heavy
pride is harmlessPride is harmless
only if you know it isn't
Because it eats your heart and soul
believe me, it's relentless.
Way too many lines with an over intoxicated head.
but vodka and bourbon help him think straight
even when his life is
Nothing could touch his world
or the walls he carved and splintered
He was invincible
With eyes that see past the technicalities of black and
With ears that hear only the pitter patter
of the ghosts in his hallway
and the thump of a thousand heartbeats
That will always sound a little livelier than his.
But heartbeats don't define a person.
One pulse can be stronger
Than a million.
A MomentA match strikes against the box, a tiny flame bringing light to the darkness around her. She watches it for a moment, not quite thinking about what she's about to do. Then she blows it out, quickly, before the smoldering ember has time to cool in the breeze from the open window, she presses the still hot match head against the pale skin at her wrist. The sensation is not one of pain, not at first. No, it begins as a searing of flesh, too hot to be painful. She pulls the match away and hides it in the bottom of her trash can. A tiny blister is forming, now comes the pain. A deep stinging, breaking through the feeling of numb that makes up her
In Heaven [Songfic!]I stand worriedly inside a hospital in the hallway, next to a room.
Right in front of me is Emina, my girlfriend, looking as beautiful as ever wearing a hospital gown. She's really unique, with her red flowing hair and dark blue eyes, but what made her special to me was how she managed to make me fall in love with her without even realising. She showed and made me understand the concept of love. We've been dating for so long, we were practically married. Despite that I am one that dislikes saying cheesy stuff; she really is my other half. So I don't understand She looked perfectly healthy now and before so why
Why does she
sindeep syndrome.and i don't understand you:
scarred hands and broken bones
and the tears like acid, cutting through your facades
the tracks are like tributarieswinding little streams
a drachma for a ride?
but perhaps most of all,
it's your whisping musings, like smoke from a candle
that leave me mystified and frightened:
we're running of time and tallow
(i've always been afraid of the dark)
and the shadows are here.
starless blankets draped over old lies
we're crashing, we're sliding
the coins knocked from our eyes
what a shame, what a shame,
now i'll never know.
there'll be no time in a hot eternity,
to wonder about anything
paint me an orthodoxone day I'll rest on hollow shoulders
and silence the humming of my heart
pink is a flightless bird
bearing semblance to four cavernous holes in my body
if feathers cannot fly
Then my infested soul will never brush the stars
i am squirming
under the gaze of your colors
and the tools in your hand
paint me an orthodox
i'll slip you an omnipotent card
and declare you the decorator of my body
you'll need more than glue
to attach ruffled feathers
to my darkened soul
[if you love something, set it free]
once you're done re-inventing me unimaginable
my vertebrae crawl in timeI watch shadows dance along your piano, and I wish that the vertebrae of my spine were keys for every time you touch me my skin sings. My eyes watch the room shift to black and white. My ears listen to the lullabies that echo off the walls of my heart, and I wonder where you've gone.
Did I mention that I'm afraid of my own human nature? You could read my soul page by page, but I misread the colors in your eyes. And your lips caused an overload of ecstasy on mine, but yours were never smiling. The only time you lightened was when those damn keys whined under their master's touch. I prayed for glue and tape, so
And Tonight My Prayer Was VIIAnd tonight my prayer was:
Maybe if I didn't fuck up so much before fuck there it goes again; another person blaming the past for the hole they are in now. I know that everything, great or revolting, is temporary in this life. I'm just sick of being stuck in what-the-fuck-should-I-do-with-my-life hotel. Rent's hard to pay after several months.
The CorrectionGod damn punk, boy who cried wolf; hold his hand one more time, scream at the top of his lungs for him, that for the first time in years, yes, he can be that person.
The way you held my hand just a little right after I first saw you - my all-time wish-list, mile-marker. There are no words, no language suitable to describe you. I know I am so difficult, do everything you tell me not to, don't listen and don't shut my mouth, but I'm learning to want to be so much better for you. And I know I do almost everything wrong, I really do just want you to be happy, cared for, loved so well. I know it seems like I will never stop being this way but ha
And Tonight My Prayer Was VIAnd tonight my prayer was:
Sometimes I feel like I want to get as far away from this fucked up, ghost ridden little town as possible. And then I feel like the rest of the world is just like this, that it will never be enough.
I want sometime more than Earth. Just... More.
Please take me away.
Goodnight Enigmatic SongShe was the song you hear and, at first blush, don't like.
Well, you don't know how you feel about it so you keep listening in an attempt to discover how exactly you feel and then you reach the end of the song and you realize, you don't like it; you love it.
That was Grace.
She was my coworker and she was my friend.
We carpooled together, I drove and she slept most of the way.
"Don't get much sleep at night, do you?" I asked her, catching those drooping lids mid-descent.
She looked out the window streaked with rain; it spoke in percussive touches filling the car with quiet overcast conversation.
I felt the warmth of her smile in the corner of my eye. The blur of her hand reached at the window to feel the cold of the droplets.
"When I was a girl, I used to race these. I thought it was funny the fat ones always won," she giggled and I imagined her as a little girl in the passenger seat then, legs too short to reach so kicking, and hair messed in the bac
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`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More