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FangirlY’know, you really bring out the worst in me.
I like to think I’m a fairly sensible person; sometimes beyond my age, sometimes a little bit below –I admit it-. There’s not much about myself I take pride in, but my mind… my mind has always been one. It’s been the one constant in my life that kept me from absolutely hating myself.
I was the one pushing gender boundaries at that epic, tender, oh so important age of 5, hanging out with the boys because of course they didn’t have cooties, don’t be stupid.
I was the one the teacher chose to help her with the other classmates. Well, with their sch
My DadWhen I was little, my dad was a superlative.
He was the strongest, the bravest, the most the best. No man could compete with him. He didn't just set the bar, no, my dad was the bar. He could do no wrong in my big youthful eyes.
When I became a teenager, my dad was nothing but wrong.
His expectations: wrong.
Means of discipline: wrong.
Opinions of my boyfriends: wrong.
And it was hard to understand how a man of such great stature could take such a fall. Especially to such a smart daughter like me, who was above the petty "ugh, my parents suck!" complaints of a typical teen. I, who searched for a higher understanding, could not possibly be at
RepetitionWhat's the point of a heart?
That it beats with all of its might within your ribs, pounding at your lungs until you can't breathe? That it stops every time something bothers the weakly firing neurons up past the rivers of your veins?
What does it pump through your weary limbs but the icy cold blood that's trudging from your broken valves? They weep and sigh and cut themselves off in a tragic mobius twist. And without an end, what purpose does that familiar slamming and throbbing have?
Just to remind you that it's there, one would think.
Or maybe the point of the heart is to bleed what it receives. To keep the fluid flowing. Just to keep t
Secrets ExposedHello to the reader whom is taking their time to read this.
I am merely writing this to express how sad, alone, and pathetically worthless I have been feeling.
Often, mostly during the night hours, I start to warp deep into thought and usually end up in mass depression. How I keep ending up in this state of mind is not so much of a mystery as I like to portray it to those I tell. To start off my explanation, I shall tell of today (Jun. 12, 2013).
On this particular day today, I was helping mother at her job in Oxbow Elementary. My hormones had been very out of whack. When I was helping her pack sunflower seeds for next day’s breakfast
Godly Relationships 7: Shared ValuesIf you're still searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, be patient, be prudent, and be picky. Look for someone whose values you respect, who behavior you approve of, and whose faith you admire. Remember that appearances can be deceiving and tempting. And when it comes to the important task of building a lifetime relationship with the guy or girl of your dreams, pray about it!
If you happen to be one of those very lucky ones who has already fallen madly in love with the same wonderful person who has already fallen madly in love with you, say a great thanks to the Matchmaker in heaven. But if you haven't yet found a soul-mate who honors both you and G
AffectionI miss affection.
I miss having the off chance of being hugged or even kissed when the moments were right.
I don’t like that it’s been so long since I’ve had that.
I think I deserve to have it, but I don’t get it.
I mean, we’re all human, we’re supposed to be able to thrive on social interaction and occasionally have meaningful relations through touch.
But I never got that out of either of my parents.
My father always asked why I recoiled back when he’d touch me or go near me; it’s because
I wasn’t used to him actually reaching out to me that way.
My mother was worse at it; I can c
Animal Rights Quote 4True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply from view), consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it.
~ Milan Kundera
SaviorPull me from this prism, and let my color loose. Cascade your words all through my mind, and watch me learn to live. Trace patterns in my chest with your delicate fingers, and I will give you everything. Surrender your lips unto me, and I will find my reason. If only you would meet my eyes, then maybe you could see. That I am not as lost as I appear to be.
You Are Already PerfectI hung up the phone and look down at the ground before looking up into my mirror.
Why do you like me?
Why do you love me?
You could have a million other girls, I’ve seen them look at you, so why me?
What’s so good about me?
I’m so ugly.
Why don’t you go off with someone who’s beautiful?
No, I don’t want you to leave me but I want you to be with someone who is good for you.
The only things that are beautiful on me are these lines.
All these red lines.
I’m so sick.
No I don’t like doing this but…
I guess I have no answer actually.
I walk to the bathroom and quietly close the d
SinkingThe tears sting more
When they refuse to fall
Hot, salty bullets of anguish.
Assaulting my eyes
As I try to forget.
I wake, like a brick wall
It's there in front of me,
Even in dreams,
I cannot escape.
Surrounded by people
I still feel lonely,
Drowning, suffocating in
The tormentor's shroud.
They don't see me,
I'm not even there.
The happiness ended long ago.
I cannot reach the air above.
Sinking, falling, leaving.
Will I ever be visible again?
To even myself?
The cruel mirror lies,
It's image of an empty shell,
Its not me.
I'm not there.
I am broken.
Have you ever felt trapped? That feeling when something is happening and you can't breathe.
You can't move because there is nothing you can do. It's frightening. It's frightening when people argue and fight. It's unbearable when it happens right in front of you and you don't try to stop it.
I have never liked this feeling. I hate being powerless. I know I'll always have this urge to make things right. I'll always have the habit of pretending to be okay when I not. I'll always have the issue of pushing people when they want to help. I always ask myself..why do you pretend? I pretend because I don't want pity, I don't need people to
My father is an ambulance. One of those old ambulances, the ones that have seen everything and are still running perfectly. The ambulance has faded paint, and numerous scratches that it has made little attempt to cover. The ambulance does not try to hide what it has done, and the things it has seen, but it does not go and broadcast such knowledge either. It simply drives around, and helps. Its interior is worn, and obviously well used. The tools and bandages are all arranged neatly in their spaces, well secured so as not to fall or get stolen. The seats in the cab are plain leather. Sturdy, long lasting, and strong. Constantly going around lo
Industrialized MindIndustrialized Mind
Turn it off.
It's the silence that eats away at your battery ripping into your bronze armor, drinking your oil.
During the day it's so easy to forget the long dark nights because people make so much noise. It's like an information overload. But when the day sinks into everlasting dusk the dead feeling beckons you, sticking to your skin like a crystallized blast freezer.
And then it begins.
But it is never truly silent.
Every file is being analyzed, the gears are turning in your head as the machine belches smoke consuming the wilder land of your inner solace. Everything that has ever made you happy is no
My Best FriendI Can Never Tell You
There are so many things I wish I could say, but alas words can never seem to be enough…I know you’ll never read this, but then again, is that even the point?
I know you probably don’t even understand all you do to begin with, so it won’t really matter, because you’ll remain the same. You are, truly the best friend a person could have, the way you always listen, without any kind of judgment, you’re always there, and if you weren’t, well…I don’t really have much to say about that. You always seem to know if something is wrong, and you’re just there to help me
100ThemesChallenge - WantYou don't know what you want. You barely communicate. You say plenty, but most of it's just to fill the silence. I cannot blame you for this, because I know that deep down you don't realize what you're doing. I know that deep down you're scared and confused; you only want to be safe. To feel good about your choices. To have things righted. But you make some stupid fucking choices. You burn all your bridges, and then say it was an accident. You want a quick-fix solution to something that's been breaking for years. You told me that when you prayed, you never knew what to say. You said that you never knew how to level with God. Be honest to your
100ThemesChallenge - DistasteThese past few months, it's been like watching your favourite TV show go to shit. They get new characters or a new director and it just isn't the same. You are not sure what happened or where this is going and nothing you feel leads to any conclusions. The cigarettes are not enough and eventually you give up, but still carry that tell-tale lighter around with you. Four cups of acrid coffee does nothing to clear your clouded brain. You begin to think about the person you loved years ago, the one who always drew up diagrams of all the ways you were going to spend the rest of your lives, drowning in idealism, a hotel room and that one pack of ma
100ThemesChallenge - MotherAnd there were no kites tickling the sky
or curiously moulded children
dipping toes into the lake's breasted width
feeding abandoned swans,
paddling with dads.
And I forgot my picnic basket again
and to tie my hair in a sugar bun
in order to intrigue
I stroked the grass in false appreciation
of life as now.
Smelt the temperature of kisses,
blew the drift of ripples that sang higher and flatter
than my own whistles
at the forgetful park gardener
as he picked
with his tidy belt.
Flowers were proud
and wouldn't stop telling me
about the curse of being beautiful.
100ThemesChallenge - WarWhen the war comes, there will be blood, and death, and suffering; despair will settle like a blanket across whole nations. Young men and women, barely out of childhood, will stand and fight. If they are lucky, they will survive to see their friends die in the mud. Or perhaps the ones dying are lucky. Because this is what they were not told, all those years ago; a war is not honourable, and there is no pride in killing. That they will watch people, children crying for their mothers. That they themselves will cry for their mothers arms. The battle field is not a place of gleaming medals and marching troops, but of humanity, stripped to its ver
100ThemesChallenge - FortitudeYou're beautiful on the outside, but on the inside you're arrogant to people who do not know you because you're so sad and fragile that if they get to close they might just crack you down the middle. You're terrified of the dark and you wince as you pass mirrors. If you're friends were smart they would see the vulnerability in the few seconds after you wake, before the mask descends. They would see the shadow that passes over your face as a stranger brushes past you in the street. To you, I'm just another of those people, passing you by in the street, but if for a moment you'd look back you'd see me standing still, staring after you. I wish I
100ThemesChallenge - GreyToday the brightest green of new buds met the clearest blue of the sky. And the blue met the yellow of a freshly picked daisy, which brought with it the clearest white of newly fallen snow. With them travelled the soft pink of a child's cheek, blended with the black of a starless night and the orange of this summer's brightest midday sun. On the road the purple of heather ran alongside as dog to his master. And as they moved on together, they left our world the bleakest grey.
Only then did we notice we'd chased all the colours away.
No Words Right For ThisYou once asked me why I was here.
"I'm here because your hair is like red wood in sunlight." I replied with a smile. "I'm here because you know all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody. Because you still get mad when someone reads your diary, even if it was from when you were seven. Because you're not afraid to disagree with me. Because you hate Dickens but adore Hemmingway. Because you're a morning person. Because you go to graveyards and lay flowers on the graves of people you never knew."
"Do you love me?"
But didn't I just say that?
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`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More