I cry way too easily recently. Even over stupid things, things that don't even upset me. Like today after class my Philosophy teacher pulled me aside to have a chat about not calling people morons during debate, and acting as though their point is valid even if it clearly presents a logical fallacy, and I was just spending the whole conversation working so hard to hold back tears. I don't even know why; it's not like it's the first time I've had these conversations with various teachers. Or the other day when my mum told me to stop twitching at the dinner table something which, I swear, I can't help and I had to go upstairs because the fact I can't stop doing it just frustrates me so much, and I won't ever let her see me upset.
I don't know. I just think that I've spent too long looking for a quick fix for something that's been breaking for years, and now that lost time is catching up to me. I feel like I've wasted all my early adolescence and the days just keep slipping away way too fast and there's not a single damn thing I can do about it. I want something to validate all the choices I've made. But I've made some stupid fucking choices. Maybe if I start being honest with myself I'll know how to be honest with other people. I might start sleeping more, swearing less. Fuck, I might even finish that book. But I don't have much faith in any of that.