~Tohroe

Nightmares, Insomnia, Cigarettes

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About Deviant Member TohroeUnited Kingdom

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Deviant for 2 Years

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Daffodil Black and White

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This isn't fair.
I did everything, everything right - I went through the goodbyes to everyone; the getting everyone to sign my shirt; the sitting through two hours of assembly, of memories and performances from classmates, and photos, and friends crying; the last long looks at the door.
I went through the whole process of leaving year eleven, of the end of an era.
And I still don't give a shit.

I did everything right. That means I get to feel something. This isn't fucking fair.

Newest Deviations

The Places You Found LoveEveryone, but you especially as a woman, is biologically programmed to find babies cute. It's an evolutionary imperative, because the rational thing to do when you've got a screaming, shitting dependant taking up your food, is to kill it, and we need something to stop us doing that. It's also why people are generally attracted to big eyes and smooth skin - because they're characteristics of children.

And I'm not saying this to detract from the beauty of parenthood, or to make you sad, I'm saying it to point out that this fact doesn't make a baby's laugh any less wonderful. And I don't think the source of anything can make it less so.

This iThe Places You Found Love by ~Tohroe

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The Reasons We DieWhat I meant to say was that sometimes I just stare at the cigarette in my hands and beg for it to stop messing around and just kill me already.
But I figured you don't want to hear that.The Reasons We Die by ~Tohroe

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The Shifting Nature of RealityYou asked me, "In these dreams, what does it look like?" I told you it looks different every time. Sometimes it's like a million feathers falling, sometimes it's like snow, sometimes it's like little stones, sometimes like ash, sometimes like a fine sand blowing across the hills. It's always silent. It falls around me but it never touches me. It never sticks. I told you sometimes I see dim figures walking in the distance through all the falling white. I told you I wish one would turn around and come to me. I wish one had your face. I wish the pink of your cheeks and blue of your eyes would appear to me unveiled from out of the drift. But the The Shifting Nature of Reality by ~Tohroe

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The Overuse of MetaphoresYou smile like it's an accident that comes without an apology.The Overuse of Metaphores by ~Tohroe

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~Tohroe

Nightmares, Insomnia, Cigarettes

United Kingdom

Steel and concrete and brick and violence; that's how I was raised.

What is there to say? I'm a self important, angsty teenage pseudo-philosopher. I spend my weekends under a desk with a blanket over it, listening to Wagner, drinking whiskey and reading Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, Kafka, Wilde, Eliot...

Current Residence: The Womb
Favourite genre of music: Rock/Alternative/Classical/PUNK
MP3 player of choice: So long as it plays music, I'm fine with it,
Shell of choice: Shell service stations do relativly nice coffee. You know, for a service station that is.
Wallpaper of choice: What? Wallpaper? Do you guys REALLY want to know that? 'Cause that's a bit creepy.
Skin of choice: Well personally I'm white, not that I really have a choice.
Favourite cartoon character: Jahib the Jewish Terrorist
Personal Quote: "Why is all the 6oClock news on at the same time?"

fatemeansscrewedup.blogspot.com/

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My Life, an Update

by ~Tohroe, Nov 8, 2011, 9:15:08 AM
Journals / Personal

I cry way too easily recently. Even over stupid things, things that don't even upset me. Like today after class my Philosophy teacher pulled me aside to have a chat about not calling people morons during debate, and acting as though their point is valid even if it clearly presents a logical fallacy, and I was just spending the whole conversation working so hard to hold back tears. I don't even know why; it's not like it's the first time I've had these conversations with various teachers. Or the other day when my mum told me to stop twitching at the dinner table – something which, I swear, I can't help – and I had to go upstairs because the fact I can't stop doing it just frustrates me so much, and I won't ever let her see me upset.

I don't know. I just think that I've spent too long looking for a quick fix for something that's been breaking for years, and now that lost time is catching up to me. I feel like I've wasted all my early adolescence and the days just keep slipping away way too fast and there's not a single damn thing I can do about it. I want something to validate all the choices I've made. But I've made some stupid fucking choices. Maybe if I start being honest with myself I'll know how to be honest with other people. I might start sleeping more, swearing less. Fuck, I might even finish that book. But I don't have much faith in any of that.

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